Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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