either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
