she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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