im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
