for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She even gives head with a lisp.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
