it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
