just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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