Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
