I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
