what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
