You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
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just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
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It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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