So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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