Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Boobs are out for the taking
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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