That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
