maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
