the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
