This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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