Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
