If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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