Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
as a side note pls kill me
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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