yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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