Will you blow on my dice?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
