On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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