:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
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I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
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Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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