im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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