Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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