i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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