what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
