WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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