is your mom at the bar?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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