Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
