the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
All I want is dick and wine.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
