I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
