They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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