Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i think my cat just said my name.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
