I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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