Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
