bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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