I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
