the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
