I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
