Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
