omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
