I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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