Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
