Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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