Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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