you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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