so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
