so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
