dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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