my mouth tastes like poor choices
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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