oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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