You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
