I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
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yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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