friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
