...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
