I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
