her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
