There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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