He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
