so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
