jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
