Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
