I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize