I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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